Juliet Hartley of St. Petersburg, Fla., writes:
“I’ve been sending a lot of pitches to different magazines about my chic handmade hair accessories at BowAllure.com, but I just don’t hear anything back from them. It’s very frustrating.
“I’m attaching a copy of a pitch I sent to a few magazines and would love to hear your input. I’ve contacted a couple of reputable publicists but I just cannot afford to pay for their services at this moment. The magazines I’m trying to send pitches to are very hard to reach, like Parents magazine or Pregnancy and Newborn magazine. They don’t give you the email address of the editor. Here is a copy of the pitch.
Subject: Back to School Must Haves
Dear Editor:
Bow Allure is an online boutique that provides Moms with fashionable, chic, handmade hair accessories. With more than 200 boutique style hair accessory options to choose from, Bow Allure’s beautiful headbands are made for newborns, toddlers and girl sizes, and their selection of clips and bows are suitable for all ages in MANY different sizes and varieties. Exceptional, personal customer service is the forefront of our company’s values and commitment to clients.
I’m attaching a picture of a must have back to school hair bow for girls and teens. I would be happy to send you a sample so you can prove to your readers that these are in fact great products.
I appreciate your time and consideration for what Bow Allure (http://www.bowallure.com/) has to offer.
I can be reached at juliet@bowallure.com or by phone at (727) 403-6806.
Sincerely yours
Juliet Hartley
The Publicity Hound says:
OK, Hounds, have at it. I see several problems with this pitch. Can you find them all? If you were Juliet, how would you pitch this? Or would you?
My comments from my expereince of having pitched hundreds of magazines:
1. The pitch is boring… it’s all about you. Editors get hundreds of similar ones every week. Their attitude is… “Who cares?”
2. The photo says nothing… what is it?
3. You’re asking them to do the work, i.e. if you want a sample… They’re lazy and won’t ask for them (unless it’s REALLY worhwhile).
4. Everyone brags about great customers service… that’s not going to move anyone to action.
You need to sell them a story…
– Perhaps someone who’s using these products after chemotherapy.
– A little girl who’s life changed because she used one of the hair things and got over her shyness.
– How about a contest “How many bows can you put in your hair?
– Ot get 50 little girls lined up wearing them, etc.
– What about a bunch of babies with bows?
I don’t wear bows but I sure see a lot of stores selling them… so what makes yours special? That’s the question you need to answer.
Luke, can you envision a few fun photos that would result from a “How Many Bows Can You Put in Your Hair?” contest? I can. And think of the TV coverage!
Perfect story for mom bloggers, too.
For starters (and I mean starters):
1.I’d try to make it timely or tie it into a trend (ie, “If feathers are the latest must-have accessory, then Bow Allure is the place to shop …”) or make it seem timely, like
2. “Bow Allure announces its fall line up of hair accessories, featuring its takes on the latest trends of X, Y, and Z”
3. Tailor it to a particular magazine, highlighting maybe your bridal collection for a bride magazine …Kids collection for a kid’s magazine …
4. Tailor it to a particular column. You need to id the column/section of the magazine where you think this would work best & sound like you are familiar with the unique angle of that particular column.
5. Put yourself in the readers seat. Right now it is written as if Bow Allure deserves coverage. But that is never the issue. The point is to convince and editor why their readers should know about it.
As it is, this pitch is way to general to get attention. It needs to be timely and tailored to an outlet.
Jenny, you really nailed it with Tip #3 above. She needs different pitches for different types of magazines.
I think people have posted some great ideas here. The theme that ties most of them together is: Catch the reporter’s attention.
For me, my eyes glaze over at the first sentence, and I move on to the next pitch. Making the first sentence “This business is …” is sure to lose your audience.
The good thing is, this pitch is short and gets to the point. The bad thing is, there really is no point–not one a reporter can latch onto anyway. I think it sounds like a neat website. But one thing that I didn’t even notice until I’d read the pitch a few times (with my reporter’s/writer’s brain that’s glazed over from researching and writing all day) is the accessories are handmade! That’s great! A ton of people are interested in artisan products and patronizing small businesses. That’s the angle I think I would have gone with.
In fact, the pitch doesn’t tell me anything much about what makes these products different. Are they of extraordinarily high quality, really affordable, creative and unique? Or is the website different–no other site that focuses solely on these types of products? Is the owner a mom or an artist, or does she have another story? (Someone else mentioned that angle.) Is she the one who makes the products?
The good news is, changes like these would be very easy to make. It doesn’t have to end up being a novel-length pitch; it just needs to focus on the most interesting aspect and communicate some interest and passion.
The pitch as written is too “selly.” I would pitch the story behind how the she started making the hair ribbons. I’ve had some success pitching the story behind a great product, which is in a crowded market. People like the story, then try the product — which the also like.
As an ex-reporter, who still thinks like one, I want to know the whys and hows. Was this her dream? Did she start in her spare room. Where is her line available, etc.
The story behind the small business story sometimes gets more attention than the small business. Juliet, what obstacles did you overcome? Did you need a loan but couldn’t get one? How do you use technology in your business?
Do you have a kids’ board of advisers so the little girls can tell you what kinds of bows they prefer? Those are all good angles, particularly for your local business publications. See Jenny’s comment above about different pitches for different types of magazines.
I would write the pitch in the breathless prose of these magazines’ cover blurbs: 8 Great Hair Accessories for Spring; Redo Your Look with Hair Accessories; Make Your Baby Look like a Celebrity
This is way too long — I’d drop the customer service pitch — they don’t really care at this point.
I was also confused — in the beginning the pitch said the hairbands are for “Moms” so I thought they were for adult women… only later I realized they are for children, but can adults wear them too? I think you have to make that crystal clear.
I would also show the hairband on a baby or child.
Make your baby look like a celebrity. I love it, Patricia!
I’d use an image with the cutest babies or kids! What about tying it to some main stream issue – short on time getting the kids ready for school now your kids can bolt out the door and look fashionable! Also, the claims of this bow are not different enough – granted it’s a bow, but where’s the personality? What about a contest, BowAllure will award 12 months of free bows to the winner of the best worn bow makeover and create community by allowing people to vote. Or with a charity angle, for every bow purchase through Sept. BowAllure will donate XX of bows or gift bags to St. Jude Hospital. Look at the pre-Christmas buying and decorate a tree in a high traffic store with Bow Allure bows. Have fun with it!
The tree decorating idea is priceless, particularly if it’s in the children’s department.
Cristina, you and my other Hounds really came through on this one!
The pitch is too salesy but what I recently learned the hard way was don’t just send a pitch and a photo. They need to see the product! I was pitching a line of skincare products and emails resulted in no response. So I sent out products with a letter and then called to arrange a deskside which is an in-person “meet and greet.” I got the responses I was after by trying another tactic.
Carol, this is an example of how you started zigging (sending free samples) when everybody else was zagging (press releases only).
Subject in conflict with letter content – “Back to School Must Haves” in conflict with Moms, newborns, and toddlers in letter.
Most editor names are listed in front of the magazine – do research for the name of the editor trying to contact.
First sentence in conflict with subject.
Editors get many emails and some emails go directly to “spam” so they may not have received the email. I would have written a snail mail letter and sent a sample of the bows, etc. and/or a small catalog with the accessories.
I agree with Jenny above.
Cynthia, you are so right that doing research is critical! It’s also the one thing that most people don’t do before they pitch.
I blogged about this and explained how journalists’ blogs are like gold. Take a look:
https://publicityhound.com/blog/how-to-find-journalists-online-and-wow-em-with-your-pitch/
Great comments! One I did not see was not to send an attachment. Editors receive loads of emails daily from people they do not know and most would not open an attachment. Instead, paste the image in the email or create a web link to a brief media kit so they have all of the info they need in one place if they want to know more.
Make sure to include links to your social media sites in your signature.
Bloggers also love when you offer a site-specific discount for their readers.
Great post and responses!
Donna
I agree as several people have already pointed out that the main issue is it is not news as written. Here’s my idea: how about the tactic of there’s power in numbers?
How about partnering with a hair salon, nail salon and clothing store in your area to offer a back to school makeover featuring all of your products? It shouldn’t take too much to coordinate entries one one site and then share in the promotion. You could maybe do one for a kindergartener, one for a high school freshman, or mom/daughter. It could be a random draw or a nomination type of thing like those contests where people nominate Moms for Mother’s day giveaways. Best of luck!
Portrait photographers are always on the lookout for new props to use in shoots. Contact some of your local photogs and offer a couple free samples in return for use of some of the photos they are used in. Not only will you get photos out of the deal, but their other clients will want to know how to get some too, creating a viral flurry of interest! Publicity without the reporter!
Great idea, Jenna. Offering products for props is a great idea.
You can also offer products for props directly to newspapers. They often stage photos to be used on the covers of special editorial and advertising sections. Contact the advertising department and offer photos. Then contact the photo desk on the editorial side and do the same.
I read this pitch and did not find anything that made me want to read more. An opening line should, perhaps, read more like: “Find that perfect hair accessory that will make your child stand out!” That may seem like a standard opening, but I think it catches the reader’s eye and makes them want to find out more about this product that will set their child apart. Then adding the age groups this product is for and why the buyer should spend the money on it would be of benefit as well.
The second paragraph could be about the company with some background on how long this busienss has been in production and some information about how this came about could be included.
The next paragraph could be about where a person could purchase these items and the range of prices for it.
The final paragraph could be a call to action: Call today for more information and the contact information could be included at this point.
All this information could be made into an informative article that the magazines would like to print. Tailoring them to the individual publications would be of benefit as well.
The contact information should be somewhere in the publication or on the website for the magazines. You may have to do some digging for it, but it is there.
1. She changes the point of view midway, from “their selection of clips” to “our company’s values.” Pick one and stick with it.
2. Put a baby in the photo, not just the bow!
Juliet I too was confused about this product being for mums and then for kids. I think you have to think about what problem your product solves. Editors love to help solve problems for their readers. I’m writing from Australia where headlice is a big problem in schools. If it is in the US too perhaps you could angle your release to claim your headbands is reducing the spread of lice. “Stylish headbands reducing the spread of headlice”.
All of the suggestions are great, especially the one about giving the journalists a story.
As for easily finding editors’ email addresses, check out my Magazines Database, which contains contact information and more to over 2,000 US and Canadian print magazines. You can get access for as little as $1.99. Go to http://www.woodenhorsepub.com.
Meg
Thanks all you Hounds- great information and ideas!
Writing for the specific publication is great advice.
Other than that – send your product to celebs with kids. Use contacts to find a celeb willing to endorse it or give it a plug on Twitter.
Push the USP – but also give every press release a human element.
I really appreciate all of the comments and suggestions, there were some really great ideas in there! In fact, I am already working on new versions that will hopefully make my “pitches” more interesting and attractive to editors.
Again, thanks to everyone for lending some advice!
Best wishes, Juliet