A reader emailed me today to show me a pitch letter that her friend had composed and wanted to send to her daily newspaper.
The letter, about two pages, is meant to interest the media in her business. Not only does it break every rule of pitching etiquette, it pretty much promises that this particular newspaper will write her off as a kook.
I am not making this up. The letter includes:
—An opening paragraph in which she says that the lack of coverage by this particular newspaper “confounds and surprises me in a VERY negative way.”
—A section in which the writer bad-mouths her major competitor who has gotten at least three feature stories in this particular newspaper. The writer said her competitor “has nothing particularly special of merit to offer the public by way of the work she is doing.”
—And just in case the newspaper doesn’t get it, she includes a paragraph that reads, “I am seeking fairness/justice; I don’t claim to understand the reasoning, if any, for this oversight on the part of the paper-But, I DO KNOW that my present work in (town) as well as my previous work deserves ATTENTION.”
—An invitation to visit her website, with this parenthetical phrase in capital letters:
(BY THE WAY, MY PORTFOLIO IS EVEN MORE EXTENSIVE THAN THE WEBSITE AND IT DOESN’T EVEN INCLUDE EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE AND MUST BE REPLACED ON A YEARLY BASIS BECAUSE IT IS TOO HEAVY
TO CARRY EVERYTHING WITH ME TO EVERY CUSTOMER).
—And just in case they still don’t get it, “I have enclosed some examples of recent work that have yet to be added to the website and look forward to speaking with you regarding an article in either the Business or Lifestyle section of the paper.”
The woman who sent me her friend’s letter took a crack at rewriting it and did a fairly decent job. But I encouraged her not to send it.
“She has a heavy load of resentments that will come through loud and clear if she ever gets an interview,” I wrote, “and it’s probably best that she not do any media interviews right now until she gets over her hissy fit.”
Laying guilt trips doesn’t work.